I am only one

MAYBE

2010-04-05T20:20:00.001-07:00

Maybe ill start blogging again

Gatsby Stamp

2009-06-18T15:55:00.001-07:00

SIMPLE

2009-04-30T03:43:00.000-07:00

I think I would have been better off if I was simple minded.

PRINCIPLES

2009-04-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

Principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ are sometimes deceiving. You think you know them, you hear them over and over but they are never fully understood until you are forced between choosing or denying them. It seems the older you become the more critical those desicions get as if their conseguences come to life wither in pain or glory.

WHAT

2009-04-12T04:26:00.000-07:00

People often ask "what" in reply to questions they already know the answer to. I just pretend I didn't hear them. It usually works.

EGO

2009-04-08T05:49:00.001-07:00

I just realized today that I have a big ego.......I'm going to think about that some more.

RESPECT

2009-03-14T00:21:00.000-07:00

The older I get the deeper my respect grows for people in my life that are older and wiser and have left me with stories. When you're young, most adult stories are like those novels you read for about three pages and then your brain catches up and says, "dammit I have to go back and read that again." At those young ages all you have is your imagination to go off of. Then later in life you go through something very similar to a story you've heard before. Suddenly it comes to life and you think, "wow that's what that guy was talking about. He really went through that and all he had to show for it was a lame story. I had no idea."

LOYALTY

2009-02-23T01:08:00.000-08:00

I think that your family are the only people truly apart of you. No one else can truly move.

CIRCUMSTANCE

2009-02-17T21:03:00.000-08:00

It seems that some of the most important decisions in life are made merely in the company of circumstance.

BRIGHAM YOUNG

2009-02-11T19:43:00.000-08:00

Today I met Brigham Young. He is a friend of Elder Doxey's Dad and happened to live in our area. We went over to his house and had an evening with him and his wife. He was named after "the" Brigham Young, his 3rd great grandfather. As soon as I found that out I knew this was going to be an interesting night, mostly due to the fact that I am one of Brigham Young's 4th great grandsons and this man wasn't a member. He was a comedian by trade and made us laugh all night. Then as we all anticipated he began talking about Brigham Young. He told stories about him that I had never heard. I was surprise when he revealed that he hadn't read the Book of Mormon. I remember sitting there in awe of the situation. Here were two decedents from Brigham Young (one of the most influential prophets of God that ever lived), on completely different sides of the fence. He had no real idea the influence of God behind his own grandfathers accomplishments. He was clueless to his roots & the precious history he comes from. I thought, what was the difference between him and me? Somewhere down the line one of his ancestors fell away and in consequence generations later decedents like himself were left to wander in the dark. It felt like free agency at it's worst. Many are called but few are chosen.

FAITH

2009-02-02T19:59:00.000-08:00

They say knowledge is power, and to the powerless, heresy is a natural refuge for the blind who lead the blind................ and while knowledge may be a source of power it is not the means to an end. I could have within my hands and mind the most simplistic and clear path to salvation and then I ask what do I really have? Only a small advantage, if any, without the faith to live it.

BACKTEST

2009-01-28T19:49:00.000-08:00

Investors often have a hard time finding absolutes for the future. In the stock market traders often backtest there investment in order to see what they're return would be like today if they had invested 20 years ago. In life the future is so unknown and in that unknown atmosphere days can be darker than dark grey. In such a pivital part in my life often my thoughts take me to the future, where will life lead me? Then, when I backtest my life and realize that the last 20 years turned out pretty good so just keep stepping.

PERCEPTION

2009-01-27T02:36:00.001-08:00

Are we only what others see us as or are we more? Only a perception? Can you really be someone no one else can see? How does our perception of ourselves measure up to the truth? Is truth truth when removed from the proof of it?

SHE

2009-01-21T13:46:00.000-08:00

she wants what she can't have and when she gets it she doesnt want it.

INSPIRATION

2009-01-04T01:12:00.000-08:00

It is light. It brings our lives out of isolation. It is a glimpse of home, of where we came from. It brings hope of life to lifeless words on a page. It enlarges the soul to become more than it is. It is something from nothing. It is to dig in sin for years and years, to be held down in guilt and the love of it. You try and fight it, you try to cure it but you are powerless. Then one day it finally comes and you are free because it is something much bigger than you.

RELATION

2008-12-10T17:12:00.001-08:00

Touch is a powerful thing. When I leave the presence of Someone close to me it's as if that bond becomes stronger by it's absence. It becomes a symbol of hope. It becomes a powerful source. It brings soldiers home and us back to God.

ULTRA BLUE (Thrice)

2008-12-05T20:58:00.000-08:00

Unabashedly pursue,
the truth that we cannot deny
A revelation shining through,
orchestration Adonai
A revolution ultra-blue,
and a melodic battle cry
And though some say there'll be no coup,
we'll never know unless we

Try to see it through,
and find a different point of view,
one where faith is not taboo
And we'll all learn to see the world as new

Sometimes things we've held as true
proved to be an outright lie
But it seems we always knew,
in some unspoken lullaby
I'll see you at the rendezvous,
we'll raise our voices to the sky
And though some say there'll be no coup,
we'll never know unless we

Try to see it through,
and find a different point of view,
one where faith is not taboo
And we'll all learn to see the world as new

Revolution ultra-blue

RIGHTEOUS

2008-12-01T23:57:00.000-08:00

I would even say that there is no feeling on earth that compares to knowing that God is moving your feet somewhere because you are living how he wants you to live.

NIGHT DIVE (thrice concept lyrics)

2008-11-17T15:45:00.000-08:00

dive dive deep

to where even the shallows cannot peek

searching for some beauty specks

underneath the busy city jets

they all know you use alien lungs

the deeper you go the smaller you become

around the ledge teeth come quickly

the sea is a monster deeply

ELLIOT STREET

2008-11-12T19:52:00.000-08:00

Once she was innocent once she was brave

knew where the blessing came and life what to make

then there came the critical playin wit the leaks

her company stole the precious things forgot that light and wings

Weeks turned to months and then months just like days

she's out of that house now and on her own way

again back to that river bed searching for her dreams

can't walk this lonly road again I'll pray I'm askin please

Elliot street is it true what I see here

You got me on my knees

Some here have a heavy load some are walkin light

sitting here on this same ol street I see her every night

this veiw is just too much for me I'm closing up the eyes

my shoulders were not built for this cold and calloused ride

THE DIFFERENCE

2008-11-07T22:59:00.001-08:00

So I met this girl the other day and she loved to talk so I listened. I asked about her work and I think she talked for like 20 min straight. I think I said like "oh yeah" and "yea" and that was it. Well, I just kept listening and then my mind wandered and I started to think about her and how it was so easy for her lips to move without any reservation. It was as if there was no difference between her voice and her brain. I knew because her eyes told me so. I started to think things like, if she was in front of one million people would there be any reluctancy for those chords to jiggle. I also thought if she was an alien would she be accepted in her own culture.

CLOUDS

2008-10-19T13:09:00.000-07:00

I was standing on Marni's deck at the quiet house and looked up to the sky tonight, maybe in search for meaning, and I saw these clouds and they were moving in relationship as if they had a purpose, as if they had secrets, as if they had somewhere to go. I wanted to follow them and see who's day they were going to poop on.

IM GOING TO THE DEPTHS PARTNER

2008-10-14T20:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my mind tries to swim deep down because it feels comfortable there. Unfortunately, most of the time it feels like I have floties on and I just can't get to the depth I want because anyone who knows anything about air knows that air is only friends with himself.

WATER

2008-10-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went for a drink at the water fountain by the campus post office. Yeah, you know the one. I started to drink and my mind thought; "All I have to do is push this little button and out comes pure water, and it comes out cold. What a place."

11-22-05

2008-09-29T20:23:00.000-07:00

I woke up, it was cold this morning. Boston is not a friendly smile in the winter. Your blanket is more than an acquaintance. Elder Maybe was already dressed and studying his scriptures. I knew it would be a great day, I could feel it all over. Today was going to be the optimists dream. I sat down at my desk and remembered that today I would start reading the Book of Mormon again. I asked for the spirit to guide my mind. As I read the first verse I felt God enter me. I lost control of my eyes and my mind captured this familiar spirit and aimlessly wandered in it as long as I possibly could. After we studied we grabbed the floor with our knees then stepped out to save the little town of Keene. This day was a little different then most. I put my backpack on heavy with gold, Elder Maybe put his hand on my shoulder and I took a deep breadth and we started to walk.

THE ATONEMENT

2008-09-19T18:56:00.000-07:00

Knowing that Jesus Christ died for my sins that I would repent fills me with happiness and joy. Knowing that Jesus Christ died for my sins that I might repent fills me with wonder and awe. I don't think Jesus knew, at the time of his suffering, who would accept his atonement and who wouldn't, however if he did that means he suffered and died for his friends he loved and knew would never return. One day it will just be you and God in the most intimate meeting you've ever had. This meeting will be so bright, so magnificent and horrible that all doubt will completely suffocate in it's own pathetic way and you'll never be so aware of your life once lived on earth, weather in the building in the mist or on the narrow.

RHETORICAL VISIONS OF HOPE

2008-08-11T21:17:00.001-07:00

In a recent article by the LA Times, Zack de la Rocha (RATM frontman) talks about his dissatisfaction with the way the country is going. It seems to me that liberal political artists tend to fall into the popular Anti-America trap. Thinkers out there like to see the problems in the country because it fuels the thinking machine rather then contribute to a cure. Is America good? Is America bad? They want an America for everyone, an America that molds itself around the sins of the minority. We are the big monster. The strength of our country is the core moral values that stand for consistency and truth.

EVERYTHING ELSE

2008-07-07T22:18:00.001-07:00

Everything else can be filthy and corrupt but a man doesn't have to be.

KINGS OF THOUGHT

2008-07-07T22:01:00.000-07:00

After any great trauma or crisis, after the shock subsides and the nerves stop twitching you settle down to the new condition of things because you know all possibility of anymore change has been used up. You've seen the pattern finally because you've stepped back far enough to take in the whole picture. It's too late now to do anything but accomadate yourself to it. That is, there's nothing left to do or say exept that God and nothing have a lot in common. The end.......except you're wrong and you don't know it.

PREDICTIONS

2008-06-17T02:10:00.000-07:00

We were sitting at a red light in Temecula waiting for those damn long lights to change. I was in my morning daze and then I decided that I knew that the light would change. I said "and green" and it switched. Sam said good job justin. I knew then that my brain was more powerful then most. As we got to the beach and started ripping on the waves they slowly died out. We waited for 20 min and finally sam said I feel a swell. I thought, yea right, and then three huge waves came and I caught the first. As I recovered from the blast I thought, damn Sam has a good brain too.

STRONG LEGS

2008-05-02T02:40:00.000-07:00

The paths we take in life all start with one step. Some, step first then ask why. Others, ask why then step. When I look back on some paths I've taken i'm left in wonder. How did that one little step lead me here, it was so small, so insignificant. Now I'm so deep in this place.

THEN I STOLE IT

2008-04-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

When she fed me the dimond I sat humbly in a trance, a trance of cults. I had a friend once that never takes we never needed to we never needed words to speak. Then one day a problem speck came. She motioned that there's something i should know. She said, "You should have died that day". Then I decided we needed to grow lungs and took her to a place of white. After, we knew deep down that we were shallow. A makeshift hope we held.

BIONIC MAN (Shem Greenwood)

2008-04-20T16:09:00.000-07:00

I am the bionic man I got no heart just an alluminum can a product of a modern industry And all my murcury fears Liquify in my transitors and gears and loves a virtual reality.

And I see the ultravilot rays appocolypse displays and it hurts my eyes And I see it all in infra-red turning black instead you see through my disquise

Only slivers and stains pulsing through my titanium veins and you can open up and drink my energy
Inpentrable shell metal secrets that no one can tell and you can reconfigure all my circuitry

And I feel the panic coming on an its coming strong an organic infection memories forever future can't be stored cut my spinal cord its your only protection and you can't slow me down

Everything thats not right flying through me at the speed of light I try to cry but you can't hear the sound im only panels and wires I'm just starvation and electrical fires and I'd give anything if you could only slow me down oh

I am the bionic man

FW #2 a day of nothing significant

2008-04-19T02:27:00.000-07:00

what happens in a day like that? Well, not anything of significance that's for sure. Hellish homework of nothing land. Feed the lions to heaven and they take a nail gun to your lips. Marathon of maniachs are eating my life away. Spit on the theories.

FREEDOMWRITING #1 concentration

2008-04-19T02:22:00.000-07:00

On what point does one look? Where does he spend his attention? If once they had it how does it suddenly disappear? How does time change everything we work for, bleed for?

What I Hear In My Ears

2008-04-19T01:35:00.001-07:00

Its real but sureal like a heartbeat. You can feel it inside but thats the only clue to its authenticity. Gettysburg and god is close not god the tradition, god the unknown, the unspoken, the higher road, the brighter soul. Weary is my feelings. my brain is burnt toast. I am peeling. I feel alone the most but when my ears hear the wonders of this world my skin locks to keep my spirit in. I would fly without these rules to places only sounds of pure exquisite can live. Sounds of white.

PRETENDERS

2008-04-15T01:37:00.001-07:00

There are those in the church who feed thier egos off young moldable missionary minds impressing them with their doctrinal knowledge. We like to expand and imbelish the simple pure doctrines to keep our minds intruiged. We value the entertainment of doctrine far more than the implementation. What would this world be like if we substituted our thirst for new doctrine and replaced it with a more deserved thirst, namely a thirst to be the doctrine. To refine the act of faith, the act of forgivness, the act of sacrifice and the act of love. There is a colossal difference between knowing the gospel and living it

THE HAVE'S AND THE HAVE NOT'S

2008-04-15T01:25:00.000-07:00

Some can fall in love with many. Others will only fall in love with few. I am a few. I can never fall for one who doesnt have the capacity to love me at the same depth I can love them.

A THOUGHT THAT I COULD FEEL

2008-04-15T01:24:00.001-07:00

Some thoughts are just thoughts, other thoughts you feel deeply according to your capacity. Today I had one of those thoughts you feel. I thought....I will always exist somewhere doing somthing. Why spend it in waste. Some is self afflicted. Some is not. I need to divide the two and conquer the latter.

GENERALS AND MISSIONARIES

2008-04-15T01:19:00.000-07:00

I remeber the plane ride home from the mission and all the confusing thoughts that wanted to explode out my head and reach freedom. I remember the pilot respectfully acknowledging the humble general in the back seat. I sat quietly as the pilot described his service in Iraq and the brave disposition in which he lead thousands of young men into war. I too, was grateful for his service. I could tell the pilot was emotionally interested in the war. A son perhaps serving? Unknown to me of his enthusiasm, the audience stood and applauded as the general was respectfully let out of the plane first. I pictured a hardened muscular war hungry man but as he passed I saw a humble small intelligent looking man. I couldent help parallel the situation to my own and ironically realize that the heroes of the real war had gone unoticed once again

Jesus Christ

2008-01-05T01:23:00.000-08:00

My name is Justin Smith, just in case anyone ever reads this. I am a practicing, dedicated member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon). I've known the name of Jesus Christ my whole life. So blessed to have had parents who planted the seeds of faith in me. I have found that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is independent of my desire to beleive in it. It is alive and if I don't let it change my life it will change someone else's. In this latter day our heavenly father has revealed his gospel through a prophet like in bible times named Joseph Smith. I would like to state my testimony or belief in God and this church. I believe that a real prophet lives today who is guided directly by Jesus Christ. I believe the Book of Mormon is Gods will and word translated for us today through a prophet Joseph Smith. I could say a lot of different things I'll just say this church brings me joy that I could not find otherwise. I have precious knowledge that I feel a steward over which makes me want to be pure as Jesus Christ is pure. I want to stand at the judgment seat and say I believed as Simon did in the new testament, flesh and blood did not reveal it to him but God through his spirit.

She's Gone

2008-01-05T01:02:00.001-08:00

I hadn't known love and I'm 22. Then she came along. So strange how it happened. Just a good friend for a long time who found a way into my veins. We grew close like milk and cookies and then I drove her to the sky and we spoke those famous words and then I leaked the whole way home. Now waiting to see if love is a river or quicksand.

A vessel

2007-12-15T17:03:00.001-08:00

Religion does not create or cause war. Religion, of the organized
kind, creates a powerful language, through which institutions and
agendas are solidified, wether that be bigotry and violence or true
faith.

A shadow A Carnality

2007-12-14T23:38:00.000-08:00

It follows me in the grocerystore. It follows me to school. It follows
me everywhere I can involve myself in. I don't know how to break it.
It has no acheilis heel. No kryptonite. This is as deep as I go. I'm
am a hopeless host. Fooled like a Mosquitos bite. A snare. I am damned for a time.

The Ocean

2007-12-10T00:11:00.001-08:00

I am a deep ocean living amongst shallow pools. I only live to share myself but rarely ever can. The puddle peoples capacity is slight and taste different. One day I met another ocean like me and oh how great it felt to swim and stretch. We drank eachother every day. How happy I was. I was a comfortable Conroy in a shallow world. We mixed so much that she began to forget which ocean she was and wouldn't give that up for another. She left me and swam to another sphere and I wept. I began again to live amongst the shallow pools.

Where I am

2007-12-08T00:12:00.001-08:00

I want to be more honest with myself like when I don't want to be
somewhere I'm just not going to be ok with fighting my feelings
constantly I'm going to do what I feel period unless of course it
conflicts with the gospel.